My battle with severe anxiety

My battle with severe anxiety
My battle with severe anxiety

My battle with severe anxiety

My battle with severe anxiety

My battle with severe anxiety
My battle with severe anxiety
My battle with severe anxiety
I’m not sure that’s the kind of posts you want to read on my blog. But as 2017 is now over, I wanted to get a little more personal and open up about my inner struggles. One of them being anxiety. I truly believe that anxiety is the disease of our time. I’ve been for anxious as long as I can remember. It evolved into a panic disorder many years ago because of a very rough past and a few traumatizing events.

My biggest mistake with anxiety is that I kept suffering in silence for years. Many people wouldn’t understand why I was sometimes bursting into tears in highschool (I’m now pushing 30), or at work later, or the anger, or the avoidant behaviour. I opened up about my mental illness at the beginning of 2016 to my family, friends and people around me.

Truth to be told, when I started this blog, I took all my photos in my bedroom simply because I was housebound for 4 months with the very unpleasant symptom of agoraphobia. That’s when my anxiety was at it’s peak. I couldn’t do the most simple things anymore, such as grocery shopping. The idea of having a panic attack while outside was terrifying. That’s what agoraphobia really is: The fear of fear. After those 4 months, I gradually went out again. When I felt confident enough, I took the decision of hiring a photographer to shoot my outfits.

Started this blog as a project kept me going at the time. In a way, growing a blog helped me to rebuild my confidence. Hiring a photographer to take my photos outside was the biggest challenge of 2016. I was terrified during the first photoshoot! I was feeling dizzy, derealized and kept thinking I would faint! But, we were able to shoot three outfits without any incidents.

I slowly reconquered the world by challenging myself everyday. Facing your fears on a daily basis is tough, tiring and at some point, I lost a lot of weight but I kept pushing myself. Travelling to Paris during the Fashion Week was 2017’s biggest challenge. I wasn’t feeling confident enough to attend the fashion shows I was invited to but I still managed to go to a few showrooms. However the end of 2017 was tough on me due to a major setback.

If you ask me what I’m expecting for 2018, I would say that I don’t really know. Actually, I don’t think I want to expect much of it as it would be the best way to depress in case things don’t work out as planned. I’m hopeful and I want to get out of this mess. I’ll keep fighting and challenging myself for it. I also adopted a bichon maltese puppy. He barks a lot, chews everything and doesn’t listen to me but at least I focus on him instead of the panic attacks I had daily lately.

If you suffer from anxiety, depression or any kind of mental illness, don’t be afraid to talk about it and don’t be afraid to consult someone. You’ll be surprised to hear how many people are or have been in the same situation.  Just remember: You are not alone and there is always hope. I’ve been following a cognitive behavioral therapy for 2 years and God, my health has improved tremendously!

I don’t really know why I wrote this post but I feel a bit liberated in a very strange way… I’ll end this extremely personal yet strange post by wishing you a very Happy New Year. May 2018 bring you the love, success and happiness that you all deserve!

 

Jacket: Rouje/ Flare jeans: Mango/ Bag: Space Rocket Store

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19 Comments

  1. 5 January 2018 / 00:34

    So brave of you to share this. I know it is hard, I have anxiety as well and I’m still a bit shy when talking about it. Some days it might be easier and other hard but I know you can do it. I hope this year brings you joy and calmness.
    Love
    Pili

  2. 5 January 2018 / 01:51

    Thanks for sharing this personal experience, I can completely relate to this! I have been also suffering from severe anxiety and panic attacks and know so many people who do as well. It’s more common than we realise. All the best in 2018!
    Magda

    https://www.gloryofthesnow.com

  3. 5 January 2018 / 02:42

    Ohh Aria, thank you for sharing this very personal part of you. I know first hand that it is not always easy to put words on your feeli and to describe your experience with anxiety..
    I myself have been suffering quit a lot of panic attacks and anxiety since I was diagnosed with a chronic illness in 2016 and try to focus on many things to forget a bit about it.

    Wish you all the best and much love for 2018.

    xo.TDVR
    http://www.tenindvr.blogspot.com

  4. 5 January 2018 / 08:41

    Très bien ce post 😘

  5. catherine
    5 January 2018 / 10:43

    tks for sharing.i would nt have thougt you d suffer so hard.for you re a beautiful woman ,very elegant ,you ll got very good taste and you seem full of confidence .I know what it is to suffer from anxiety but to a lower level than you do apparently .so tks again and I wish you the best for the years coming ,take care of you and your puppy ,put a photo once and be happy .xoxo

  6. Georgina
    5 January 2018 / 12:06

    Dear Aria
    Personal
    As l read your Post l felt l just wanted to hug you.
    I understand anxiety, which for me stems from self doubt. I have oodles of self confidence BUT coupled with low esteem. I could address a gathering of a 1000 people but if one person was critical, that is the one l would remember.
    You are beautiful and talented and give much joy and encouragement to so many people. Think of the word ‘encouragement’- the centre of the word is ‘courage’ – that us exactly what you inspire in others. The courage to try new ideas and to look our best. I am old enough to be your Grandma and you have encouraged me so much to look my best. Maybe l can send you some words of ‘encouragement ‘. Anxiety stems from self doubt – you are special just because -‘ you are you’ not because you are beautiful and talented just because ‘ you are you’. Other people’s opinions of us are their business not ours. We know in our own hearts who we are; we don’t have to meet others expectations, we are ok as we are. Those who love us love us for who we are not for what we look like or what we can do. We are special in their eyes and they love and respect us just because we were born and we are special in their lives and they are special in our lives. In 10 years time we won’t remember what shoes we wore today, we will remember the special people in our lives at this time; for the others just let them go, along with self doubt and anxiety . Go into 2018 with confidence and courage just because you are you and you are special. God bless you and l wish you Peace above all things.
    To end on a lighter note l have a Mantra now l am of a certain age; ‘l do not store clothes that do not make me look good, friends that do not make me feel good and thoughts that spoil my life’.

    • Sarah
      7 January 2018 / 17:14

      Well said 🙂 I’m with you, Georgina

  7. Sondra
    5 January 2018 / 17:54

    Dear Aria,

    Your courage, honesty, vulnerability and commitment to grow beyond limitations is an inspiration to me. You may never know the magnitude of your contribution to others with this sharing of yourself. You can be assured that those who follow and love you have a deeper connection and commitment to you. May 2018 be the best year yet for all of us!!!

  8. 5 January 2018 / 19:29

    Thank you so much for sharing this post! I also suffer from anxiety (though perhaps not as severe as you) and it’s somewhat comforting to know a blogger I really look up to also has anxiety like me. Like I said, I really look up to you as a blogger and I’m so happy to visit your blog as you provide a ton of style inspiration for me. Thank you for continuing to do what you do and opening up for us.

  9. 5 January 2018 / 19:32

    This is a subject that people always seem to steer away from , thank-you
    for addressing this in such a bold way . I have suffered from anxiety and depression
    for most of my adult life . I no longer look for a cure or magic bullet , however I am
    much better at dealing with it . For me one of the main skills I have developed
    is mindfulness. Being able to live in the moment is huge. No more anxious ruminating about the past and especially the future ! I recommend looking into mindfulness!
    Jandrew
    Dress The Part
    http://www.jandrewspeaks.com

  10. 5 January 2018 / 21:18

    Bonjour Aria.
    Thank you for sharing and for being so open and honest. I too have had this for many years so you are definitely not alone. I find writing my thoughts down to be very therapeutic. Especially if I am feeling very restless and cannot go to sleep at night. If it happens during the day I listen to music and go for walks. Even if I don’t feel like leaving my house and being around other people I just make myself do it and it has helped every time. Receiving a smile from a stranger and engaging in some light pleasant conversation really helped get me out of my own head. I like to use essential oils too. Bergamot is my personal favorite.
    I also have no idea how this new year is going to turn out. I think if we just do what we love and keep moving forward then that is all that matters.
    xoxo
    Valora

  11. Galia Givoly
    6 January 2018 / 06:33

    Wow!!! You are so brave!
    Thank you so much for sharing this.
    I love your blog, and now I love it even more, because you allowed us to know you.
    I wish you a great year. Don’t be afraid to share your thoughts.
    Hugs!!!

  12. 7 January 2018 / 12:47

    said that I love the jacket you wear, I read your article. Anxiety is so tricky, it hits everyone sooner and later and probably when you don’t expect it. Sometimes I can control it, other times I really start to have the worst thoughts ever and it’s scaring. Fortunately after a while it passes, I try to focus on something positive and realistic, if this helps! xx
    http://www.bonjourchiara.com

  13. Sarah
    7 January 2018 / 15:54

    Aria — you are creative and kind — those are the important things, and anxiety is a struggle that you are handling with grace and compassion. So many people who are creative have anxiety so you are in welcoming, loving, talented company. And well done for sharing your experience.

  14. 9 January 2018 / 05:59

    Wow, this is so brave of you to share dear. I know a couple of people who suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, and yes, it’s more common that most people think. I’m wishing you all the courage and strength dear.

    Jessica | notjessfashion.com

  15. 9 January 2018 / 09:46

    Thank you for sharing your story. I too suffer from anxiety from a troubled past and several traumatic events but it was a life threatening illness 9 years ago that sent me into a deeper, darker daily anxiety. . I am dealing with it fairly successfully (most of the time) …but it is always comforting to know that we are not alone. Thanks.

  16. 11 January 2018 / 16:05

    SO good that you shared this. I bet it has been something you thought about sharing for so long too. It’s so cathartic to have that out there and I think it invites us to get to know you better and be there for a show of support. You got this. xx Jenelle
    http://www.inspiringwit.com

  17. 11 January 2018 / 20:52

    You don’t know me but I found this post today and had to tell you that I hope you’re wildly proud of yourself for “coming out” about your anxiety – this is such a huge thing in the world right now, and yet so many who are suffering are doing it without having the courage to say so. And it’s women like you who step out and say “this is what I’m living with” that give other women the same courage. Beautiful post! #undauntedwoman

  18. 12 January 2018 / 22:22

    We all have struggles.
    I think in general opening up and seeking help is what makes all the difference Aria. I think you are going on the right direction. May 2018 be all you deserve, want and more. Hugs.

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